The expression, “carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders” is not an aspirational one. This saying comes from the Greek myth of Atlas, who was sentenced to carry the world as a punishment. It is not a sign of strength to carry everything without help, it’s only a matter of time until you’re tired and are weakened by the (figurative) weight of it. Yet, along the way, this is exactly what’s come to represent a desired representation of masculinity, unwavering abilities, individual strength and resilience, and silence.
Over the last couple of years and very recently, I’ve noticed a marked increase in the number of men reaching out seeking help through therapy. To be frank and simple: it’s because holding onto that stuff is exhausting!
It’s hard for everyone to ask for help. But the idea of asking for help creates intense vulnerability for the man who has been attempting to do his best impression of “classic masculinity.”
When “classic masculinity” means never needing help because of how strong and capable you are, “classic vulnerability” becomes the other side of the spectrum—you only need help because you were not strong enough in the first place, it’s a failure. It requires him to admit that in reality, no man is a mountain, and everybody needs help sometimes. If he was ridiculed or punished for asking for help in the past, he would be even more reticent to let others know he may be struggling. This often leads to men secretly seeking solace in addictive behaviours such as drinking, smoking, etc.
Men have been societally and often culturally conditioned that to ask for help or need help is the same as being too weak to do it yourself. Often when we see the stereotypical “strong and capable man” in movies or other forms of entertainment, it’s a one guy vs. the world sort of scenario where, through strength or sheer determination, one “dude” powerhouses through all his problems without burdening others with them.
- Jupiter Vaughan
firstsession.com
